and life goes on

I worked for this day for the past six months..
I thought about it for the past six months..
and now the fate has me moping in bed, twiddling my thumbs..can't be there.
I wish I was a man who could drink to forget.
I know this day will never be the same for me..the outcome would mean a lot less than it would have.
I hate myself for feeling so..I hate the cracks I see in the steely surface.
I wish I could choose to feel the way I want to.
I wish this did'nt mean so much to me
I wish I had learnt to appreciate the middle road
I wish I did'nt need to do this to forget
I wish I found a better way to deal with this
I wish this realization did'nt dawn upon me
I wish ......
....and life goes on