Parenting....

A and I have always been very conscious parents. We deliberated, discussed and argued about almost everything we did with JB. Whether it was which school he should go to, what we would tell people when they asked why?, what after school activities he should indulge in, developing hobbies, interests .. everything. And so far JB has done well. I don't think most people can make out the amount of influence we, his parents, have on the kind of person he is growing up into, or rather most people have but don't realise it. We do spend a lot of time with him and make an effort to ensure family time is respected, whether it is taking him cycling or for a swim or setting up a complicated lego set or just hanging around the house watching movies ......

Parenting is never easy and neither can it be treated as a by the way thing. You don't take chances with a life you made a choice to bring into this world.

Why am I suddenly proffessing my views on parenting ? why, the whole world is doing it! Amy Chua's book ' The battle hymn of the tiger mother' has got everyone talking. I will give her that.

My take on the book ? I am not shocked by her 'chinese' parenting style. As she mentions many times in the book, many Asian communities including Indian parents have similar beliefs. But yes, Indians are a little more toned down in their approach, being more social and emotional than the chinese. Like Amy, I do not agree with the pseudo westernised ways of parenting I have been seeing even in many upper middle class urban parents. I don't believe a child of 7, 8 or even 10 knows enough about the world to be able to make their own informed decisions on what to eat, choice of after-school activities or socially acceptable behaviour. Most people I know who did that, blamed their parents for not guiding them when faced with the consequences many years later. And that is not the way to teach a kid decision making. There are tons of other significant decisions a kid can take on his own..managing pocket money, making a a study plan, scheduling playdates and so on, which do not require you to have the wisdom of the world.

Amy did manage to teach Lulu persevearance, the value of practice and hard work and instill a drive to succeed through the drill she put the kid through for her violin lessons. Lulu picked up the important lessons and just used them elsewhere. The chinese parenting worked, though differently in this case.

I don't know how JB is going to turn out eventually, but all I can ensure is that the effort to get him to make something of his life is made.

And for the record, we had to push him to practice piano for the first few years too... Today, he has began to enjoy playing it so much, that he has set himself a hard target for the year without consulting us. The drive to do a job well, and having to work hard to get there, is something he learnt during his piano lessons and is being used very effectively in other areas in school, like quiz competitions, class tests etc.

No, I do not endorse Amy's views (well not all of them), but neither do I find them blasphemous.

Balance to me is an important concept, in whatever one does. Even parenting.....

Trifle pudding..

I heard someone say this once.. "The trifle pudding is my favorite dessert because of it's balance of colours, textures, tastes and flavours..".

In a uncharacteristic moment, I served custard with a lot of fruit to some friends who had come over for dinner one night. One of my guests who had almost always been served elaborate desserts at dinners at our home, and who I always saw picking at her food, gorged on my humble custard taking 2-3 helpings,relishing each morsel. The talk on the table that night, moved on to the lovely trifle pudding her mother used to make in her growing up years. And so; inspired by the talk, I set out to make some pudding for dinner one night.

What I used was a simple recipe..

My pudding was made in a large round transparent glass bowl (its a colourful dish so the bowl showed off the richness)

We lined the base of the bowl with a regular cake.. I am told sponge cake is a better option,but a nice and buttery tea cake crumbled, adds more flavour.

Next disslove jelly crystals in some boiling water and pour the mix on top of the crumbled cake and put it in the fridge to set.

Chop some colourful fruit of different kinds .. I used pomegranate seeds, strawberry, green apples (you can use the red ones, but green look prettier), black seedless grapes, banana slices.

Make some vanilla custard (with milk, sugar, custard powder.. a brand like weikfield will do), let it cool a little and put the chopped fruits in the custard.

Wait for the jelly to set ( I used raspberry jelly) and pour the custard on top of the jelly and put the bowl in the fridge again to cool the custard.

It will take approx 2 hours for the trifle pudding to set well. Scoop some out in a bowl making sure you've got everything.. the cake, jelly, custard and fruit, mmmmmm........

Almost every indian food website has its version of trifle pudding recipe so this is mine and its awesome and relatively low fat.. It has no cream

The picture is the trifle pudding which got partially devoured before I took the photograph :)

20 things every indian should do...

I have been thinking of compiling this list for along long time, but I did'nt get started because I could'nt come up with a list of 20 things. But I decided to start anyway.... These are all things which will make you feel proud of being an Indian ( I am not insinuating that you are not a proud Indian already!) and unique experiences hard to find a match elsewhere. I will keep adding to this list over a period of time till we reach 20. so here goes.....
1. Visit the Taj Mahal, Agra
When I came back after my second visit to the Taj, my son asked me.. what was your reaction when you saw the Taj Mahal. I asked him why he asked that,he said,' when I saw the Eiffel tower in Paris, I found it disappointing.It was painted brown and I did'nt feel anything when I first saw it" . Well, Taj Mahal IS stunning and beautiful. When you see it first, you do get a feeling of awe and you it does feel like you are looking at one of the 8 wonders of the world. Every word that has been written in it's praise about it's beauty and grandeur in any language is true. What also adds to the experience is the fact that, the area around the Taj, unlike most of Agra, is fairly well maintained and the government authorities have put in substantial effort of making the experience worth a while.
Other things you could do in Agra: Visit the Fatehpur Sikri, Agra Fort (both again fairly well maintained), night viewing of the Taj, shop for handcrafted marble with inlay work, leather (surprisingly cheap, if you can manage to strike a bargain and good quality), dig into the awesome chaat that Agra is famous for. Be careful about the water you drink though. Advisable to stick to bottled drinking water.
2. Visit the Wagah-Attari border : The border of India with Pakistan, a few kilometers outside Amritsar. The nationalistic fevour during the closing of the gates ceremony is unparalleled. The gates are closed at the end of the day around 5 pm. The flags are lowered and the border security guards do a small parade and put on a show for the crowd which gathers to see the ceremony. The Pakistanis gather to see their show on their side too. The majestic guards, the slogans being shouted on both sides....its a show you can't miss in your lifetime. For a glimpse of the ceremony click here:
video clip
and no watching the video is not enough.. you just haveto be there to truly experience it as it is.....grab a seat, crane your neck to get a better glimpse, try and take pictures, buy the cheap CDs of the ceremony being sold by the local village boys and take pictures and chat up with teh BSF guards (they are nice and friendly) and yet shout slogans till your throat is hoarse.
3. Do visit Kolkata: Something about Calcutta got lost when they named it Kolkata. Thank god, the CC&FC is still called Calcutta Cricket and Football Club.
If you want to experience a colonial hangover in this country, this is a place to be.The clubs, the trams, flury's, Fort William, Victoria Memorial, chatting with the members of the British scholars association (people who have done their college studies in England) at the British Library, the street names, colonial bunglows, the disappearing corporate HQs, where you still see white gloved bearers serving tea to the sahibs in the boardrooms, carefully keeping the heirarchy in mind; the very british street names... I could go on and on.
But Kolkata is much more than that... cultural, passionate, foodie, un pretentious, warm. The land of communist and the land of didi.
The food,oh yes the food. Something ignites the foodie in you, the moment to set foot in this city. From Puchka's next to vivekananda park to the the boneless smoked hilsa at The Grand. From the Emperor's banquet at Chinoiserie at the Taj to the crab claws at Tangra or the streetside chinese breakfast in old chinatown....
Multicultural... from the fast dimishing Armenian Jews to the close knit Indian Chinese community from Tangra.. chinatown.
Yeah! this is India too. You need to be there to feel the pulse of one of the warmest cities in India.
to be continued

housekeeping matters

I think I should finally get around to writing a 'how to' book for ' managing household help in India' and I wish there was a 'how to' book for ' dealing with a husband who works from home when you are home too'

The wogma lady......

When I first asked her if I could do a post on her..

"Would you mind "

*grin*..."no"

"I won't mention your name"

*shrug*... "ok even if you do, we have accepted the fact that there can be little privacy in a blogger's life"

So here goes...

I first saw a glimpse of her bespectacled face behind a closing door of the 5th floor apartment where she first lived when she and her husband moved to Pune, about 10 years ago. Did'nt seem particularly friendly.

I had moved to the city recently too, and lived in the same building on the 6th floor, right above her apartment. I don't remember how we first met and how we became friends.. but we did. I had taken a break from work to look after my 1 year old and she was still figuring out what to do with her life and her 5 degrees (as in academic), each more difficult to acquire than the other. By the time we got around to doing mid morning tea and gup shup sessions in the middle of the day, she was done with her tryst with corporate life, declaring ' corporate life is not my cup of tea' one evening.

And so life moved on....I saw her through her settling woes in India, buying her first house, the birth of her son, then daughter (I was in the hospital for both), her involvement with a NGO and many more such milestones in her life.

We often talked about what we would like to do with our lives, our kids, our household help, our families, our marriages and the like. We shared a passion for films, even then. Though we have now evolved, in our own ways.

And then we (my husband and I ) bought our own apartment and moved from the building leaving behind some great friends and memories. We kind of drifted apart and began to meet less frequently....

Today, she is living my dream, she is a film critic. She had finally found her groove. Has a very successful blog, has had a blast doing the film appreciation course at FTII, Pune and is really living it up. When I meet her these days... it's a delight. She has made her choice.. of being the way she is .. carefree (well relatively, she is still a proud mother to her two kids and takes her job as a film critic very seriously), full of beans; a newly acquired and trendy dressing style; making friends with whoever she finds interesting enough to tolerate... caste, creed, age,sex.... no bar; but still very confident, value driven and down to earth.... her scintillating intelligence sitting lightly on her petite frame...... a far cry from a young mother who attended pre-natal classes with the same deligence as she did her CA classes, who cried in the hospital when she realised she was'nt the first to hold her baby, a daughter in law who struggled to please all ......

Today, I find myself rooting for her every little success in her career, just the way she would rooted for me, if this would have been my life. And she sends me free passes for the local film festival. When we meet,we usually chat the whole night... Thanks to facebook, we usually know what is going on in each other's lives. Maybe social networking does have it's advantages.

and hey... if you are reading this M...I still believe in stereotypes but I don't think I can ever find one for you :). You are one of a kind....

the last one week..

have been in and out of PIFF. Probably the first time I have used the free pass sent to me by my good friend effectively.

Tally this year...

7 days, 15 brilliant films for free!

PIFF: Pune international film festival. Disorganized, with hapazard schedules coming out at the last moment, movies scattered around in 5 different multiplexes, devoid of celebrity presence one sees in other film festivals, but full theatres. Collection of movies... impressive.

2010 and how we ended it ....

So new years eve was small and intimate. This time, without anybody I felt compelled to have a conversation with, (and if you know me well, I am not the kinds who finds having a conversation with ANYONE that difficult, but there have been people and there have been moments....), thankfully. A small group of friends, a bornfire and some great food and wine at a friend's place, so did'nt start the new year spending half the night in the kitchen cleaning up and not entirely sober, for once. (In India, guests don't help in cleaning up, including close friends because of cheaply available help)

Some events that shook my world a little this year:

1. A's medical procedure

2. Realization of how much A and I meant to each other (as a result)

3. Being unemployed for most of the year.

4. Realising I didn't have a back-up plan in case my current plan of going back to work did'nt come through.

5. Finally finding a live-in maid who looks like she means business and most importantly is here to stay. (In India, that's passport to freedom)

6. Finally agreed on refurbishing plans and got most of it done by year end. (I am one of those women who takes joy and pride in her home )

7. For the first time in my life possessed a small car and discovered the joys of doing so.

8. For the first time, learnt to laugh at myself and felt good doing it!

9. Had a blast with my sister for about a week who counselled me on taking myself a little more seriously than I did.

10. Exercised without a major break for almost 9 months (If only I could diet that long too, would have dropped 3 sizes instead of just one!)

11. Learned the joys of internet shopping.

12.Learnt the importance of insurance policies and actually managed to have claims paid substantially.

13. Organising paperwork and taking a closer look at finances.

14. Learnt to manage money better.

15. Finally got parents-in-laws to agree to move closer to us.

here's looking forward to another eventful year.....

The Back-Up plan

In case, I am proven to be the world's biggest idiot.. and not the die hard optimist I always prided myself to be; I need to think of a back-up plan. and fast....

A beautiful life..

#5
snuggling and cuddling up on cold winter mornings...

humming and hawing

diehard optimist or the world's biggest idiot, time will tell. Till then wishing, waiting, chilling....

conversations with the little tyke..

this one is one popular request..

dad (to Cinderella) : why are you wearing that T shirt? you look like a scarecrow
JB (indignantly): No baba (father in bangla), dont call her that! she does'nt look like a scarecrow, she looks like nothing!!
peals of laughter and many repititions follow..

A beautiful life...

# 4

a nice hot oil massage for the head; a really nice movie, I mean really nice.. casablance, birdcage (dont laugh,I love it!!), pretty woman, as good as it gets, the bucket list ....; a lovely tisane; comfy seating and an anticipation of something nice.....

A beautiful life

#3

Misty mornings, nip in the air, steaming cups of second flush darjeeling tea, a good book and a warm shawl....

in conversation with a little tyke

Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be read by anybody below 16 years of age, actually this post, the rest is Ok.

JB : mamma, who is Doctor Spock (has been reading James Herriot,apparently it was mentioned in one of his books)

Me: a well known paediatrician who wrote a book on handling young kids which mothers swear by even today. I had a copy, which I gave away after you grew up, and when baba and me decided we won't have a another little JB.

JB: Oh! so you started taking Ipills then ?

WTF.... he claims he saw an Ipill ad on the Disney channel (parents watchout!)..... jeez! how much more does he know?

tea...

20 and counting.... yeah, that is the no of tea varieties you will find in my kitchen cabinets.

I was shocked myself..... ok! ok, there are a couple of tisanes thrown into that lot too.... rivals a mean selection at a tea shop or a cha bar.

My tryst with tea started when I was barely in my teens. kadak chai with adrak and a hint of cardamon is what I started with then (can't stand it anymore!). Living that long in Kolkata, the hub of tea trade, I learnt to appreciate tea, real tea.

Dolly's tea boutique in Dakhshinapan (in Kolkata) is where I bought most of my tea from (and still do, if my sister manages to make a trip there for me). It is an interesting place, the walls of the tiny boutique are layered with tea cartons, the rich smell of tea wafting all over, done up tastefully with brightly coloured block print cushions and tablecloths and little potted plants and bric brack from indian handicraft stores. Dolly, is a tea taster herself and sources the tea from her store from tea auction houses in Kolkata. Almost all tea of that quality is exported. People like Dolly (she was one of the first), realised that there was a market of tea connoisseurs in India too, so saved some of our best to sell here in India too.

I saw another tea store in the departure lounge of the Kolkata domestic airport.. Manjushree plantations and went crazy.. the loot (a part of it he! he!) is in the picture. My favorites.. darjeeling second flush and orange pekoe from the nilgiris

Now, back to my steaming hot golden brew..vintage collection Darjeeling tea from Manjushree plantations.. their website is under construction, so no link..

A published author at home.... and JB

After the ooohs and aahs subside...

Conv I:
JB : didi, did you get paid ?
C: Yes, not much though
JB: I want 10% of that
C: for what?
JB: because I am the brother.

Conv II:
JB : It's such a headache to have a celebrity sister
C: I am not a celebrity for getting one story published, but I will hire you as my publicist when I write my book :)

Awesome Pumpkin Salad from a food show

I love watching food shows on the telly. My first memories of one of those is a Jamie Olivier show which I used to watch every Sunday at 1 pm on most days with JB (the son).

And then suddenly there were a plethora of food shows on practically every channel starting with Nigella Lawson and Kylie Kwong on TLC to khunti kodai and ranna ghor on local Bengali channels. I was spoilt for choice. My son watches the shows with me with equal enthusiasm if he is around. When I am surfing, I am usually looking for a food or a cookery show and I can sit through them all.

This recipe is a dedication to my fondness for food shows of which I am a huge fan.

Pumpkin salad

This is a Nigella Lawson recipe which I improvised slightly to suit our dietary requirements and it tastes as good as it looks..

Pumpkin : cut into bite size pieces...... 750 gms

Onions sliced and soaked in vinegar for at least 2 hours... 2 medium size

Pine nuts peeled and roasted......... about 2 tablespoons

Spice mix......1.5 tablespoon (you can use your own combination, I used salt, chilli powder, fennel powder, cajun spice mix)

Thick yoghurt.....2 tablespoons ( the original recipe uses feta)

Parsley and basil ......finely chopped, for garnish

Olive oil..... 2 tablespoon

In a bowl pour 1 tbsp of olive oil and the spice mix on the pumpkin peices and mix thoroghly. Bake the pumpkin on a baking sheet at 180 deg C for about 20-30mins.

Once done, take the pumpkin out and cool. In a mixing bowl, toss the spiced pumpkin pieces with onions, herbs and the pine nuts with the remaining oil. Pour the salad out on to a serving dish and dot the yoghurt unevenly onto the salad and serve garnished with a sprig of fresh parsley... and enjoy!

social network - movie review

.....social networks.. facebook, orkut, friendster,linked in, twitter,myspace and hundreds of lesser known ones are just that... all about connecting with people and social acceptance.
I saw Wall Street - money never sleeps as well as the first one, Wall Street, featuring the young Charlie Sheen and the much younger Michael Douglas a couple of months back. That is about money, greed, ambition and what the three put together can do to you.
Social Networks, the movie, is the story of how facebook happened, in flash back, through stories told by it's founders- Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin and the Winklevoss twins during the depositions for two seperate lawsuits filed by Saverin and the twins. Eduardo is fighting for recognition for being acknowledged as one of the original founders of facebook and the Winklevoss twins are claiming the idea of a social networking site was originally theirs' . In real life, while Mark Zuckerberg goes from strength to strength with facebook becoming the world's youngest billionaire, Eduardo has dropped out of public life. That's all he wanted : recognition.
and what hurt him the most was Mark betraying him at the behest of Sean Parker (better known as the founder of napster, played brilliantly by Justin Timberlake). " I was your only friend'', he tells Mark during the deposition.
The film moves through the corridors and residences of the Harvard university... where a young computer programming geek or should I say genius, is dumped by his girlfriend. Hurt and angry, he hacks into the databases of various residences and creates a website called facemash.com where male students can choose, which of the two female students featured, is more attractive. As an outcome of which, Mark gets a 6 months academic probation, earns the ire of the female students on campus and is noticed by a group of seniors - the Winklevoss twins and Divya Narendra who have been toying with the idea of setting up a netwoking site for Harvard students called Harvard connections.
Mark goes on to set up facebook, intially open to Harvard students and then includes students from other campuses after he runs into his ex-girlfriend (not from Harvard) at a restaurant, who has'nt heard of his website.
The story moves from residences in Harvard to Pablo Alto in California, where Mark moves to, in summer, to look for investors and to do some more work on his website after Sean Parker convinces tell him, that that's the place to be for someone, onto something big, like him. In Pablo Alto, facebook evolves with the site hitting a million members (today it has over 500 million), VC fundings coming in and with Sean Parker's increasing involvement in the business decisions of the company, much to the chagrin of Eduardo Saverin.
The movie ends on a piognant note: a successful, rich computer genius losing the only friend he had, trying to reconnect....
brilliant performances by the leads.. Jesse Eisenberg (Mark Zuckerberg), Andrew Garfield (Eduardo Saverin), Justin Timberlake (Sean Parker). Great Screenplay and dialogues..
A must watch!

movies, JB and me..

Since summer this year, I have been re-living memories of my childhood watching old classic movies with my son. We've been through movies like Bridge on the river Kwai, Railway Children, Patton, The eagle has landed, Saving private ryan, Pearl harbour, Where eagles dare, The Caine mutiny, Guns of Navarone, many Hercule Poirot movies, with David Suchet playing Poirot.....the latest being Ben-hur. Watching it re affirmed my belief that every old classic need not necessarily, be a good watch for children. I send JB (.. the son) packing after the famous chariot scene, which by the way, even in this day and age is still breath taking.

Charlton Heston as Ben hur, and the spectacular and magnificient scenes like the chariot race or the battle in the sea, in the absence of digital special effects with real people and real sets would be my major take aways. Towards the second half, the movie goes into a biblical mode with the crucification of Christ, and the rise of Christianity etc.

The movie watching spree with my son, also got me hooked on to war movies, a genre which I have developed a fondness for, only recently.

A beautiful life..

#2

My favourite part of the day has always been the dusk/evening (5-7 p.m.) and everything associated with it. Working people coming home, those working late strolling out for a cup of tea from a road side stall; children playing around or the more stressed out ones, shuttling from one class to another; the elderly,up from their afternoon naps settling into balcony armchairs with their steaming cup of chai; cooks and homemakers organising family dinners..

I am usually doing one of the above depending on my schedule for the day. A and I usually go for our 3 km brisk walk, have a cup of tea in my balcony,before the mad evening rush to finish homework,organising next days' meals, evening dinner etc starts again.