A and I have always been very conscious parents. We deliberated, discussed and argued about almost everything we did with JB. Whether it was which school he should go to, what we would tell people when they asked why?, what after school activities he should indulge in, developing hobbies, interests .. everything. And so far JB has done well. I don't think most people can make out the amount of influence we, his parents, have on the kind of person he is growing up into, or rather most people have but don't realise it. We do spend a lot of time with him and make an effort to ensure family time is respected, whether it is taking him cycling or for a swim or setting up a complicated lego set or just hanging around the house watching movies ......
Parenting is never easy and neither can it be treated as a by the way thing. You don't take chances with a life you made a choice to bring into this world.
Why am I suddenly proffessing my views on parenting ? why, the whole world is doing it! Amy Chua's book ' The battle hymn of the tiger mother' has got everyone talking. I will give her that.
My take on the book ? I am not shocked by her 'chinese' parenting style. As she mentions many times in the book, many Asian communities including Indian parents have similar beliefs. But yes, Indians are a little more toned down in their approach, being more social and emotional than the chinese. Like Amy, I do not agree with the pseudo westernised ways of parenting I have been seeing even in many upper middle class urban parents. I don't believe a child of 7, 8 or even 10 knows enough about the world to be able to make their own informed decisions on what to eat, choice of after-school activities or socially acceptable behaviour. Most people I know who did that, blamed their parents for not guiding them when faced with the consequences many years later. And that is not the way to teach a kid decision making. There are tons of other significant decisions a kid can take on his own..managing pocket money, making a a study plan, scheduling playdates and so on, which do not require you to have the wisdom of the world.
Amy did manage to teach Lulu persevearance, the value of practice and hard work and instill a drive to succeed through the drill she put the kid through for her violin lessons. Lulu picked up the important lessons and just used them elsewhere. The chinese parenting worked, though differently in this case.
I don't know how JB is going to turn out eventually, but all I can ensure is that the effort to get him to make something of his life is made.
And for the record, we had to push him to practice piano for the first few years too... Today, he has began to enjoy playing it so much, that he has set himself a hard target for the year without consulting us. The drive to do a job well, and having to work hard to get there, is something he learnt during his piano lessons and is being used very effectively in other areas in school, like quiz competitions, class tests etc.
No, I do not endorse Amy's views (well not all of them), but neither do I find them blasphemous.
Balance to me is an important concept, in whatever one does. Even parenting.....