down but not out

something snapped inside me a few months back, I felt as if I was in this deep dark hole with no way out. Despite being proven to be the world's biggest idiot, I think at some level I am still an optimist. But I have almost never been at peace with myself for a long long time.

You make mistakes, bad judgements and have to live through the consequences. A lesson learnt hard among many others.

Hmmm and what led to this? letting work and self esteem connect; giving up work without getting a professional degree and being delusional about my re employment prospects and taking marriage for granted..... and my life unravels beyond control, atleast for a while.

and now a wiser me is putting all that together. Marriage well on the track, A and I are doing things we have'nt done for years. Sadly, have'nt done much about self esteem issues. And yes, I am also working towards getting a degree to improve re employment prospects. Well, at least I won't regret not having tried to put my life back together.

Breakfast, my favourite meal of the day...

So, JB and me decided to have breakfast out today morning. got up early, got dressed and set off hoping to find some breakfast place open at 8.30am in the morning. None of the three on our list were open. So we decided to come home and make a mean breakfast ourselves, and this is what we had...

peanut butter, nutella and banana mini-sandwich

Salmon and cheese mini-sandwich

Tomato and oregano bread with fried egg

orange juice

Some fruit, musk melon and watermelon wedges

... and cold chocolate milk for JB and piping hot darjeeling tea for me to wash it all down.

Fabulous breakfast but looks like our appetites have taken a royal beating ; the marmite and mulberry jam went back into the fridge untouched and the sausages and ham were never opened.

We'll probably have french toast with chocolate sprinkles tomorrow.. yummm!!

my usual...

I love a good chic flick once in a while, tonight I saw 'no strings attached' sigh!

Ashton Kutcher: you are made for chic flicks; Natalie Portman: you don't need to be so intense!!!.....

my usual has changed.

I am discovering the unexplored genre of crime, suspense and action. No, it does'nt scare me nor do I find it difficult to go to sleepnor do I see shadows on the wall in the dark; after watching one of those...

The Back-Up plan

In case, I am proven to be the world's biggest idiot.. and not the die hard optimist I always prided myself to be; I need to think of a back-up plan. and fast....

A beautiful life...

# 4

a nice hot oil massage for the head; a really nice movie, I mean really nice.. casablance, birdcage (dont laugh,I love it!!), pretty woman, as good as it gets, the bucket list ....; a lovely tisane; comfy seating and an anticipation of something nice.....

A beautiful life

#3

Misty mornings, nip in the air, steaming cups of second flush darjeeling tea, a good book and a warm shawl....

A beautiful life...

discovery # 1 : A nice warm perfumed bath, a good read before bed,a warm orange flavoured tisane and some old comfortable bed clothes... ummmm , lovely!

Baking at last...

Bread making was always a disaster...mine always looked great, but were either too hard or too soft or just unevenly baked or textured, ever since college days. How did I still earn my hotel management degree.. well bakery and confectionary was only 1 of the 17 subjects we did at school, and yes, there were ways to get by :) ...

which was sad, because I love bread.. all kinds from the scrumptious croissants and baguettes in Paris boulangeries to the maska bread with a hard crust, from a local 50 year old Parsi bakery..

I figured my problem was with the quintessential eukaryotic micro-organism called 'yeast'. I am yet to learn how to work well with yeast.

So I gave up baking all together for many years. And then, I discovered quick breads.

Quick breads are breads made without yeast but with a chemical raising agent like baking powder, baking soda etc. They can be either savory or sweet.

So here I am, baking a batch of scones, at midnight, when the rest of the household is asleep, so that I can grieve for my baking disaster in private, if need be, i.e.

Well, it was'nt so bad this time. My scones are unevenly shaped and a little darker than I expected them to be, but boy!, they are delicious. My midnight feast tonight was a lovely warm scone, fresh from the oven, with a low fat version of clotted cream and jam. .. which I made !!!!

touche!

a summer to remember...

The met department said that the monsoons are likely to hit the city in a couple of days. Summer is finally over, school opens, the dusty foilage will soon wear a fresh green look. I have taken a few months off work and spend the summer at home,no holidays, no travelling, no cousins visiting, just plenty of family time..
JB... he did so much.. learnt french, practiced piano every single day, developed a taste in old classic movies with me, spend hours in the pool, had friends over off and on, and when we would let him, tried cooking. I did all of that with him..I have almost started missing him when he's in school.. an obsessed mom: you bet! I am so proud of him. We were always close, but now we are closer.
A: Illness has brought us closer than we were. Food kept us together, now eating right and cycling has.
Me: watched lots and lots of movies.. developed a taste for award winning films in foreign languages, period films and war movies. Cooked, cooked and cooked... JB says I make the best pasta in the world :) :) well he likes my rissotos and roasts too. Brought my vegetarian bengali cooking as close to perfection as I cooked. Finally started finishing a book in a week. Honed my parental skills,lost a little weight (still a drop in the ocean), finally started cycling and so much more. My to do list still had a few things to complete before I get back to work..
If not for anything else, for being able to bond with my son, for ruffling his hair or giving him a big hug as soon as he gets back home from school, for watching A grin in pleasure when I produce another zero oil delicacy from the kitchen, for finally noticing the beautiful gulmohar trees flowering in all their glory in summers, for growing up a little... this is one of the best summers I have had in a long long time

this and that

Day 1 : down with cramps, bad bout of food poisoning, high fever, in bed the whole evening

Day 2 : cycling in the hills in the evening, cooking, giving the kiddo a nice scrub

what the hell am I trying to prove to myself???

the half centuries in my life..

old people liking me is getting a litle out of hand. now my in laws wants to come and stay in our city. and I am trying to think no there is nothing wrong with that, just more convinient if something happens, we will be right here to look after them. Of course, my parents being in the same city helps, or does'nt it ? dunno, don't want to think about it.

In my moment of weakness I did ask my in laws to move here once and now, 8 years later ,they said yes!