musings ....

and I stand up, dust myself and move on....

down but not out

something snapped inside me a few months back, I felt as if I was in this deep dark hole with no way out. Despite being proven to be the world's biggest idiot, I think at some level I am still an optimist. But I have almost never been at peace with myself for a long long time.

You make mistakes, bad judgements and have to live through the consequences. A lesson learnt hard among many others.

Hmmm and what led to this? letting work and self esteem connect; giving up work without getting a professional degree and being delusional about my re employment prospects and taking marriage for granted..... and my life unravels beyond control, atleast for a while.

and now a wiser me is putting all that together. Marriage well on the track, A and I are doing things we have'nt done for years. Sadly, have'nt done much about self esteem issues. And yes, I am also working towards getting a degree to improve re employment prospects. Well, at least I won't regret not having tried to put my life back together.

Gulmohar.....

last summer I was thrilled that I noticed the Gulmohar tree and its resplendent hot orange beauty, it was beautiful and symbolised hope for nice things to come.. this year the sight irritates me. It reminds me of being unemployed for little over a year...

Parenting....

A and I have always been very conscious parents. We deliberated, discussed and argued about almost everything we did with JB. Whether it was which school he should go to, what we would tell people when they asked why?, what after school activities he should indulge in, developing hobbies, interests .. everything. And so far JB has done well. I don't think most people can make out the amount of influence we, his parents, have on the kind of person he is growing up into, or rather most people have but don't realise it. We do spend a lot of time with him and make an effort to ensure family time is respected, whether it is taking him cycling or for a swim or setting up a complicated lego set or just hanging around the house watching movies ......

Parenting is never easy and neither can it be treated as a by the way thing. You don't take chances with a life you made a choice to bring into this world.

Why am I suddenly proffessing my views on parenting ? why, the whole world is doing it! Amy Chua's book ' The battle hymn of the tiger mother' has got everyone talking. I will give her that.

My take on the book ? I am not shocked by her 'chinese' parenting style. As she mentions many times in the book, many Asian communities including Indian parents have similar beliefs. But yes, Indians are a little more toned down in their approach, being more social and emotional than the chinese. Like Amy, I do not agree with the pseudo westernised ways of parenting I have been seeing even in many upper middle class urban parents. I don't believe a child of 7, 8 or even 10 knows enough about the world to be able to make their own informed decisions on what to eat, choice of after-school activities or socially acceptable behaviour. Most people I know who did that, blamed their parents for not guiding them when faced with the consequences many years later. And that is not the way to teach a kid decision making. There are tons of other significant decisions a kid can take on his own..managing pocket money, making a a study plan, scheduling playdates and so on, which do not require you to have the wisdom of the world.

Amy did manage to teach Lulu persevearance, the value of practice and hard work and instill a drive to succeed through the drill she put the kid through for her violin lessons. Lulu picked up the important lessons and just used them elsewhere. The chinese parenting worked, though differently in this case.

I don't know how JB is going to turn out eventually, but all I can ensure is that the effort to get him to make something of his life is made.

And for the record, we had to push him to practice piano for the first few years too... Today, he has began to enjoy playing it so much, that he has set himself a hard target for the year without consulting us. The drive to do a job well, and having to work hard to get there, is something he learnt during his piano lessons and is being used very effectively in other areas in school, like quiz competitions, class tests etc.

No, I do not endorse Amy's views (well not all of them), but neither do I find them blasphemous.

Balance to me is an important concept, in whatever one does. Even parenting.....

housekeeping matters

I think I should finally get around to writing a 'how to' book for ' managing household help in India' and I wish there was a 'how to' book for ' dealing with a husband who works from home when you are home too'

The wogma lady......

When I first asked her if I could do a post on her..

"Would you mind "

*grin*..."no"

"I won't mention your name"

*shrug*... "ok even if you do, we have accepted the fact that there can be little privacy in a blogger's life"

So here goes...

I first saw a glimpse of her bespectacled face behind a closing door of the 5th floor apartment where she first lived when she and her husband moved to Pune, about 10 years ago. Did'nt seem particularly friendly.

I had moved to the city recently too, and lived in the same building on the 6th floor, right above her apartment. I don't remember how we first met and how we became friends.. but we did. I had taken a break from work to look after my 1 year old and she was still figuring out what to do with her life and her 5 degrees (as in academic), each more difficult to acquire than the other. By the time we got around to doing mid morning tea and gup shup sessions in the middle of the day, she was done with her tryst with corporate life, declaring ' corporate life is not my cup of tea' one evening.

And so life moved on....I saw her through her settling woes in India, buying her first house, the birth of her son, then daughter (I was in the hospital for both), her involvement with a NGO and many more such milestones in her life.

We often talked about what we would like to do with our lives, our kids, our household help, our families, our marriages and the like. We shared a passion for films, even then. Though we have now evolved, in our own ways.

And then we (my husband and I ) bought our own apartment and moved from the building leaving behind some great friends and memories. We kind of drifted apart and began to meet less frequently....

Today, she is living my dream, she is a film critic. She had finally found her groove. Has a very successful blog, has had a blast doing the film appreciation course at FTII, Pune and is really living it up. When I meet her these days... it's a delight. She has made her choice.. of being the way she is .. carefree (well relatively, she is still a proud mother to her two kids and takes her job as a film critic very seriously), full of beans; a newly acquired and trendy dressing style; making friends with whoever she finds interesting enough to tolerate... caste, creed, age,sex.... no bar; but still very confident, value driven and down to earth.... her scintillating intelligence sitting lightly on her petite frame...... a far cry from a young mother who attended pre-natal classes with the same deligence as she did her CA classes, who cried in the hospital when she realised she was'nt the first to hold her baby, a daughter in law who struggled to please all ......

Today, I find myself rooting for her every little success in her career, just the way she would rooted for me, if this would have been my life. And she sends me free passes for the local film festival. When we meet,we usually chat the whole night... Thanks to facebook, we usually know what is going on in each other's lives. Maybe social networking does have it's advantages.

and hey... if you are reading this M...I still believe in stereotypes but I don't think I can ever find one for you :). You are one of a kind....

The Back-Up plan

In case, I am proven to be the world's biggest idiot.. and not the die hard optimist I always prided myself to be; I need to think of a back-up plan. and fast....

A beautiful life..

#5
snuggling and cuddling up on cold winter mornings...

humming and hawing

diehard optimist or the world's biggest idiot, time will tell. Till then wishing, waiting, chilling....

A beautiful life

#3

Misty mornings, nip in the air, steaming cups of second flush darjeeling tea, a good book and a warm shawl....

A published author at home.... and JB

After the ooohs and aahs subside...

Conv I:
JB : didi, did you get paid ?
C: Yes, not much though
JB: I want 10% of that
C: for what?
JB: because I am the brother.

Conv II:
JB : It's such a headache to have a celebrity sister
C: I am not a celebrity for getting one story published, but I will hire you as my publicist when I write my book :)

This one is for you sis.....

listening to this song by RIGHT SAID FRED brought back many memories... of you, me and our music in our growing up years...
Phil Collins, Rod Stewart and his women..New Kids on the Block and many more, our collection of grammy award tapes, our wall full of posters, craning our necks out of our bedroom window to hear the out of tune 'Hotel California' being played by amateur bands at the
Spring Fest wild fire nights and giggling our way through it and more....

A beautiful life...

discovery # 1 : A nice warm perfumed bath, a good read before bed,a warm orange flavoured tisane and some old comfortable bed clothes... ummmm , lovely!

Harshada

I have seen Harshada grow into a smart, confident, young girl almost in her teens from a sickly looking 5 year old taking unsure steps into my house, holding onto her mother's sari pallu, over the last few years. Ah! the things education and general exposure to life can do to a young fertile mind of a child.
Mangal, her mother has been working for our family for the last 7 odd years. Though Mangal has her many faults, prefering to spend her evenings after work romancing her various boyfriends, she does'nt want her daughter to have the life she has and does everything she can to make sure she does'nt have to. Her husband, many years older, turns a blind eye towards her infidelity but dotes on his daughter.
Harshada goes to school. Till last year she went to a municipal school, this year she moved to a bigger school which, I believe, is not free anymore. She also asked her mother for a computer. Her mother barely literate came and asked me how much a PC would cost.
I was a little taken aback and decided to speak to Harshada myself. I met her after a long time..corporate life had been taking a toll on me for the last few years and I had little time for anything else.
She had grown up.. a little woman, poised, confident, spoke hindi fluently, strangely perceptive and mature for her age. She looks after herself most days at home after school.
I convinced her to do some basic computer courses before making her parents buy her a computer they could ill afford. She happily agreed.
So I took her to Aptech to register her for a level one Vidya course, her delighted parents in tow, as soon as her summer vacations started . One got her a cell phone and the other showed her the bus routes and got her a pass.
Harshada completed her course, she comes home to practise on one of our laptops on Sundays sometimes. She wants to complete the level II in her next vacations and learn to speak english, she writes and understands the language fluently though.
She bought JB a book to learn marathi for his birthday, on hearing about us struggling with the marathi lessons for school, from her mother.
I have asked her if she will teach JB marathi..She will be paid for the lessons, her first little job; and we will also teach her english in return.
Looks like she will have a different life than her mother after all.

50 books at Twist n Tales..

I don't think I ever bought so many books in a single purchase at Twist n Tales, the neighbourhood bookstore, as the owner and my dear friend of many years likes to call it.
Sumi told me about TnT and it's warm and thoughful owner J when the place opened many years back in 2002 and so began my journey with a little bookstore in my neighbourhood (it is not 'my neighbourhood' anymore, we moved). I still don't know what I cherish more, my evolving friendship with J, TnT or the things it did to me. TnT is for book lovers and serious readers. You don't see stuff like CDs, toys, magazine or any such trash, that can distract you from focusing on the wonderful, neatly categorized selection of books, carefully handpicked for the store, by it's owner. If I am not mistaken, bulk of the revenues (apart from what they make from supplying to schools and other institutions) come from the loyal customers of TnT who are now slowly and unwittingly becoming a neighbourhood community. Fond of stereotyping (as M accused me many years back) as I am, there is such a thing as a twist n tales type of person now : besides being an avid reader: thinking, value driven, socially conscious of the environment around and above all liberated in mind and spirit. One of the perks of J's jobs is also making friends out of potential TnT people she meets browsing around in her store or even otherwise..If is means anythings and adds on to her credibility, J is very well networked with the NGO crowd (a TISS hangover perhaps :) ) and has started promoting local authors, launching them (she comes up with some great ideas for thematic book launches), organising book readings and helping them with other knick knacks such as finding illustrators for their book covers, shooting the wind with them to explore ideas etc. ( A backward integration is also on the cards, yes)
There is also such a thing as a TnT young person too: a kid who has grown up on the books from her store, has had free career counselling from J and has probably done a summer job or internship there and while working at TnT has picked up some fantastic work ethics and office skils.
Over the years, I have also found answers to my various problems there.. books to augment my knowledge base when I moved to HR (being an Ex-HR professional and a successful one while she was there, J connected and understood quickly what I was looking for, her recommendations hold me in good stead even today!), an internship for Cinderella to learn some critical life skills and yes she is a TnT young person today, meaningful gifts and presents and after many years connecting to books (other than work related stuff). JB, all of ten years today, is a voracious reader and has a mini library of his own, most of which came from TnT. He is waiting eagerly to be old enough to be able to do a summer job there (the tyke does'nt realize working at a bookstore is a lot of work and not just endless supply of books to read all day long!)
So... spend an afternoon selecting books for return gifts for the big birthday party coming up this weekend and chatting with J about parenting, books and her exciting business expansion plans over the planned lunch and unplanned coffee. Have offered to volunteer when her work with school kids and libraries takes off, and give in to my other interests.. kids, books and reading. Touche

minakshi dasgupta... thank u v much

His angioplasty hit me hard, the uncertainity of life came closer home. It is hard enough to keep a marriage going and a marriage with baggages??? A lived to eat, I did'nt want that to change for him, at least. So everything else took a back seat.. I have been experimenting with oil free/low fat, vegetarian versions of almost everything he liked to eat.
The most popular dishes out of a bengali kitchen are primarily non vegetarian.. macher jhols of various kinds, kasha mangsho, chingri malai curries and the like. The vegetarian part of the bengali cuisine has potential too.. One day, when there are enough recipes for a seperate blog, I will move all this to a food blog, till then read on....

musings from the corporate world

.. ogilvy noor!!??? A whole vertical dedicated to marketing to the muslims, courtesy O&M... ''world's first bespoke Islamic branding practice'' ..Still can't get over it. I have heard of marketing campaigns targetings various demographic segments earlier; the blacks, the hispanics, the NRIs... whatever, so ideally should'nt be reacting to this one, right? What is this going to do? differentiate or assimilate sensibilities ? Are we going to end up highlighting differences which we did'nt notice, which just went into the melting pot of all cultures that make India? Would I feel the same way if HTA came up with something called HTA-Shubh, marketing to the hindus or something of that sort ?

a summer to remember...

The met department said that the monsoons are likely to hit the city in a couple of days. Summer is finally over, school opens, the dusty foilage will soon wear a fresh green look. I have taken a few months off work and spend the summer at home,no holidays, no travelling, no cousins visiting, just plenty of family time..
JB... he did so much.. learnt french, practiced piano every single day, developed a taste in old classic movies with me, spend hours in the pool, had friends over off and on, and when we would let him, tried cooking. I did all of that with him..I have almost started missing him when he's in school.. an obsessed mom: you bet! I am so proud of him. We were always close, but now we are closer.
A: Illness has brought us closer than we were. Food kept us together, now eating right and cycling has.
Me: watched lots and lots of movies.. developed a taste for award winning films in foreign languages, period films and war movies. Cooked, cooked and cooked... JB says I make the best pasta in the world :) :) well he likes my rissotos and roasts too. Brought my vegetarian bengali cooking as close to perfection as I cooked. Finally started finishing a book in a week. Honed my parental skills,lost a little weight (still a drop in the ocean), finally started cycling and so much more. My to do list still had a few things to complete before I get back to work..
If not for anything else, for being able to bond with my son, for ruffling his hair or giving him a big hug as soon as he gets back home from school, for watching A grin in pleasure when I produce another zero oil delicacy from the kitchen, for finally noticing the beautiful gulmohar trees flowering in all their glory in summers, for growing up a little... this is one of the best summers I have had in a long long time

ernesto 'che' guevara

I have always been fascinated with che... ever since I found his biography among my fathers humongous collection of Communist literature as a teenager.
Ernesto che Geuvara, an obscure Argentinian doctor who lead the Cuban revolution with his band of guerillas and overthrew the then reigning dictator, Batista.
There is always been some amount of mystical romanticisn associated with Che's image. Even more after his death. He was killed by the army (or some say the CIA) in the Bolivian jungles organizing guerilla fighters in 1967.
Cinderella recommended a mexican movie called 'the motorcycle diaries'. the movie is based on a journals written by Che and his friend Alberto who travel all over South America to do their medical residency at a leper colony at the banks of the Amazon. The movie starts as a travellogue but ends on a sombre intense note. It succesfully shows Ernesto's transformation from a fresh faced school boy romping around the country side to an intense young man troubled by the social injustice of the South American poor.
After watching the movie a few times I revisited my fascination for handsome and charming Che. This was a couple of years back and once again my fascination with the poster boy of communism was forgotten in the sands of time.
2 years later, at home, irritated with my illness, while surfing channels I came across a TV program on the history channel on Che..
and so I write on..