musings ....

and I stand up, dust myself and move on....

down but not out

something snapped inside me a few months back, I felt as if I was in this deep dark hole with no way out. Despite being proven to be the world's biggest idiot, I think at some level I am still an optimist. But I have almost never been at peace with myself for a long long time.

You make mistakes, bad judgements and have to live through the consequences. A lesson learnt hard among many others.

Hmmm and what led to this? letting work and self esteem connect; giving up work without getting a professional degree and being delusional about my re employment prospects and taking marriage for granted..... and my life unravels beyond control, atleast for a while.

and now a wiser me is putting all that together. Marriage well on the track, A and I are doing things we have'nt done for years. Sadly, have'nt done much about self esteem issues. And yes, I am also working towards getting a degree to improve re employment prospects. Well, at least I won't regret not having tried to put my life back together.

Breakfast, my favourite meal of the day...

So, JB and me decided to have breakfast out today morning. got up early, got dressed and set off hoping to find some breakfast place open at 8.30am in the morning. None of the three on our list were open. So we decided to come home and make a mean breakfast ourselves, and this is what we had...

peanut butter, nutella and banana mini-sandwich

Salmon and cheese mini-sandwich

Tomato and oregano bread with fried egg

orange juice

Some fruit, musk melon and watermelon wedges

... and cold chocolate milk for JB and piping hot darjeeling tea for me to wash it all down.

Fabulous breakfast but looks like our appetites have taken a royal beating ; the marmite and mulberry jam went back into the fridge untouched and the sausages and ham were never opened.

We'll probably have french toast with chocolate sprinkles tomorrow.. yummm!!

my usual...

I love a good chic flick once in a while, tonight I saw 'no strings attached' sigh!

Ashton Kutcher: you are made for chic flicks; Natalie Portman: you don't need to be so intense!!!.....

my usual has changed.

I am discovering the unexplored genre of crime, suspense and action. No, it does'nt scare me nor do I find it difficult to go to sleepnor do I see shadows on the wall in the dark; after watching one of those...

Gulmohar.....

last summer I was thrilled that I noticed the Gulmohar tree and its resplendent hot orange beauty, it was beautiful and symbolised hope for nice things to come.. this year the sight irritates me. It reminds me of being unemployed for little over a year...

The Oscar party.. 2011

A friend, a firm believer in a numerology told me that the year 2011 is going to be a year of 'change'.
So, The Oscar party which I had kept thinking of organising for teh last 5 years, finally happened. It was a girlie night with a difference... two doctors, one film critic, one documentary film producer, two interior designers, one writer, one educationist, one ex-hotel professional turned caterer and one sportwoman.
An good mix of people and some good food and wine... The King's Speech, sweeping all the awards this year, swept the Oscars too, though Inception and Social Network collected some significant ones too..
having the party on Monday evening was a bummer though, but what was heartening was almost all my invitees made it.
Looking forward to making this an annual event, finally....

Parenting....

A and I have always been very conscious parents. We deliberated, discussed and argued about almost everything we did with JB. Whether it was which school he should go to, what we would tell people when they asked why?, what after school activities he should indulge in, developing hobbies, interests .. everything. And so far JB has done well. I don't think most people can make out the amount of influence we, his parents, have on the kind of person he is growing up into, or rather most people have but don't realise it. We do spend a lot of time with him and make an effort to ensure family time is respected, whether it is taking him cycling or for a swim or setting up a complicated lego set or just hanging around the house watching movies ......

Parenting is never easy and neither can it be treated as a by the way thing. You don't take chances with a life you made a choice to bring into this world.

Why am I suddenly proffessing my views on parenting ? why, the whole world is doing it! Amy Chua's book ' The battle hymn of the tiger mother' has got everyone talking. I will give her that.

My take on the book ? I am not shocked by her 'chinese' parenting style. As she mentions many times in the book, many Asian communities including Indian parents have similar beliefs. But yes, Indians are a little more toned down in their approach, being more social and emotional than the chinese. Like Amy, I do not agree with the pseudo westernised ways of parenting I have been seeing even in many upper middle class urban parents. I don't believe a child of 7, 8 or even 10 knows enough about the world to be able to make their own informed decisions on what to eat, choice of after-school activities or socially acceptable behaviour. Most people I know who did that, blamed their parents for not guiding them when faced with the consequences many years later. And that is not the way to teach a kid decision making. There are tons of other significant decisions a kid can take on his own..managing pocket money, making a a study plan, scheduling playdates and so on, which do not require you to have the wisdom of the world.

Amy did manage to teach Lulu persevearance, the value of practice and hard work and instill a drive to succeed through the drill she put the kid through for her violin lessons. Lulu picked up the important lessons and just used them elsewhere. The chinese parenting worked, though differently in this case.

I don't know how JB is going to turn out eventually, but all I can ensure is that the effort to get him to make something of his life is made.

And for the record, we had to push him to practice piano for the first few years too... Today, he has began to enjoy playing it so much, that he has set himself a hard target for the year without consulting us. The drive to do a job well, and having to work hard to get there, is something he learnt during his piano lessons and is being used very effectively in other areas in school, like quiz competitions, class tests etc.

No, I do not endorse Amy's views (well not all of them), but neither do I find them blasphemous.

Balance to me is an important concept, in whatever one does. Even parenting.....

Trifle pudding..

I heard someone say this once.. "The trifle pudding is my favorite dessert because of it's balance of colours, textures, tastes and flavours..".

In a uncharacteristic moment, I served custard with a lot of fruit to some friends who had come over for dinner one night. One of my guests who had almost always been served elaborate desserts at dinners at our home, and who I always saw picking at her food, gorged on my humble custard taking 2-3 helpings,relishing each morsel. The talk on the table that night, moved on to the lovely trifle pudding her mother used to make in her growing up years. And so; inspired by the talk, I set out to make some pudding for dinner one night.

What I used was a simple recipe..

My pudding was made in a large round transparent glass bowl (its a colourful dish so the bowl showed off the richness)

We lined the base of the bowl with a regular cake.. I am told sponge cake is a better option,but a nice and buttery tea cake crumbled, adds more flavour.

Next disslove jelly crystals in some boiling water and pour the mix on top of the crumbled cake and put it in the fridge to set.

Chop some colourful fruit of different kinds .. I used pomegranate seeds, strawberry, green apples (you can use the red ones, but green look prettier), black seedless grapes, banana slices.

Make some vanilla custard (with milk, sugar, custard powder.. a brand like weikfield will do), let it cool a little and put the chopped fruits in the custard.

Wait for the jelly to set ( I used raspberry jelly) and pour the custard on top of the jelly and put the bowl in the fridge again to cool the custard.

It will take approx 2 hours for the trifle pudding to set well. Scoop some out in a bowl making sure you've got everything.. the cake, jelly, custard and fruit, mmmmmm........

Almost every indian food website has its version of trifle pudding recipe so this is mine and its awesome and relatively low fat.. It has no cream

The picture is the trifle pudding which got partially devoured before I took the photograph :)

20 things every indian should do...

I have been thinking of compiling this list for along long time, but I did'nt get started because I could'nt come up with a list of 20 things. But I decided to start anyway.... These are all things which will make you feel proud of being an Indian ( I am not insinuating that you are not a proud Indian already!) and unique experiences hard to find a match elsewhere. I will keep adding to this list over a period of time till we reach 20. so here goes.....
1. Visit the Taj Mahal, Agra
When I came back after my second visit to the Taj, my son asked me.. what was your reaction when you saw the Taj Mahal. I asked him why he asked that,he said,' when I saw the Eiffel tower in Paris, I found it disappointing.It was painted brown and I did'nt feel anything when I first saw it" . Well, Taj Mahal IS stunning and beautiful. When you see it first, you do get a feeling of awe and you it does feel like you are looking at one of the 8 wonders of the world. Every word that has been written in it's praise about it's beauty and grandeur in any language is true. What also adds to the experience is the fact that, the area around the Taj, unlike most of Agra, is fairly well maintained and the government authorities have put in substantial effort of making the experience worth a while.
Other things you could do in Agra: Visit the Fatehpur Sikri, Agra Fort (both again fairly well maintained), night viewing of the Taj, shop for handcrafted marble with inlay work, leather (surprisingly cheap, if you can manage to strike a bargain and good quality), dig into the awesome chaat that Agra is famous for. Be careful about the water you drink though. Advisable to stick to bottled drinking water.
2. Visit the Wagah-Attari border : The border of India with Pakistan, a few kilometers outside Amritsar. The nationalistic fevour during the closing of the gates ceremony is unparalleled. The gates are closed at the end of the day around 5 pm. The flags are lowered and the border security guards do a small parade and put on a show for the crowd which gathers to see the ceremony. The Pakistanis gather to see their show on their side too. The majestic guards, the slogans being shouted on both sides....its a show you can't miss in your lifetime. For a glimpse of the ceremony click here:
video clip
and no watching the video is not enough.. you just haveto be there to truly experience it as it is.....grab a seat, crane your neck to get a better glimpse, try and take pictures, buy the cheap CDs of the ceremony being sold by the local village boys and take pictures and chat up with teh BSF guards (they are nice and friendly) and yet shout slogans till your throat is hoarse.
3. Do visit Kolkata: Something about Calcutta got lost when they named it Kolkata. Thank god, the CC&FC is still called Calcutta Cricket and Football Club.
If you want to experience a colonial hangover in this country, this is a place to be.The clubs, the trams, flury's, Fort William, Victoria Memorial, chatting with the members of the British scholars association (people who have done their college studies in England) at the British Library, the street names, colonial bunglows, the disappearing corporate HQs, where you still see white gloved bearers serving tea to the sahibs in the boardrooms, carefully keeping the heirarchy in mind; the very british street names... I could go on and on.
But Kolkata is much more than that... cultural, passionate, foodie, un pretentious, warm. The land of communist and the land of didi.
The food,oh yes the food. Something ignites the foodie in you, the moment to set foot in this city. From Puchka's next to vivekananda park to the the boneless smoked hilsa at The Grand. From the Emperor's banquet at Chinoiserie at the Taj to the crab claws at Tangra or the streetside chinese breakfast in old chinatown....
Multicultural... from the fast dimishing Armenian Jews to the close knit Indian Chinese community from Tangra.. chinatown.
Yeah! this is India too. You need to be there to feel the pulse of one of the warmest cities in India.
to be continued

housekeeping matters

I think I should finally get around to writing a 'how to' book for ' managing household help in India' and I wish there was a 'how to' book for ' dealing with a husband who works from home when you are home too'

The wogma lady......

When I first asked her if I could do a post on her..

"Would you mind "

*grin*..."no"

"I won't mention your name"

*shrug*... "ok even if you do, we have accepted the fact that there can be little privacy in a blogger's life"

So here goes...

I first saw a glimpse of her bespectacled face behind a closing door of the 5th floor apartment where she first lived when she and her husband moved to Pune, about 10 years ago. Did'nt seem particularly friendly.

I had moved to the city recently too, and lived in the same building on the 6th floor, right above her apartment. I don't remember how we first met and how we became friends.. but we did. I had taken a break from work to look after my 1 year old and she was still figuring out what to do with her life and her 5 degrees (as in academic), each more difficult to acquire than the other. By the time we got around to doing mid morning tea and gup shup sessions in the middle of the day, she was done with her tryst with corporate life, declaring ' corporate life is not my cup of tea' one evening.

And so life moved on....I saw her through her settling woes in India, buying her first house, the birth of her son, then daughter (I was in the hospital for both), her involvement with a NGO and many more such milestones in her life.

We often talked about what we would like to do with our lives, our kids, our household help, our families, our marriages and the like. We shared a passion for films, even then. Though we have now evolved, in our own ways.

And then we (my husband and I ) bought our own apartment and moved from the building leaving behind some great friends and memories. We kind of drifted apart and began to meet less frequently....

Today, she is living my dream, she is a film critic. She had finally found her groove. Has a very successful blog, has had a blast doing the film appreciation course at FTII, Pune and is really living it up. When I meet her these days... it's a delight. She has made her choice.. of being the way she is .. carefree (well relatively, she is still a proud mother to her two kids and takes her job as a film critic very seriously), full of beans; a newly acquired and trendy dressing style; making friends with whoever she finds interesting enough to tolerate... caste, creed, age,sex.... no bar; but still very confident, value driven and down to earth.... her scintillating intelligence sitting lightly on her petite frame...... a far cry from a young mother who attended pre-natal classes with the same deligence as she did her CA classes, who cried in the hospital when she realised she was'nt the first to hold her baby, a daughter in law who struggled to please all ......

Today, I find myself rooting for her every little success in her career, just the way she would rooted for me, if this would have been my life. And she sends me free passes for the local film festival. When we meet,we usually chat the whole night... Thanks to facebook, we usually know what is going on in each other's lives. Maybe social networking does have it's advantages.

and hey... if you are reading this M...I still believe in stereotypes but I don't think I can ever find one for you :). You are one of a kind....

the last one week..

have been in and out of PIFF. Probably the first time I have used the free pass sent to me by my good friend effectively.

Tally this year...

7 days, 15 brilliant films for free!

PIFF: Pune international film festival. Disorganized, with hapazard schedules coming out at the last moment, movies scattered around in 5 different multiplexes, devoid of celebrity presence one sees in other film festivals, but full theatres. Collection of movies... impressive.

2010 and how we ended it ....

So new years eve was small and intimate. This time, without anybody I felt compelled to have a conversation with, (and if you know me well, I am not the kinds who finds having a conversation with ANYONE that difficult, but there have been people and there have been moments....), thankfully. A small group of friends, a bornfire and some great food and wine at a friend's place, so did'nt start the new year spending half the night in the kitchen cleaning up and not entirely sober, for once. (In India, guests don't help in cleaning up, including close friends because of cheaply available help)

Some events that shook my world a little this year:

1. A's medical procedure

2. Realization of how much A and I meant to each other (as a result)

3. Being unemployed for most of the year.

4. Realising I didn't have a back-up plan in case my current plan of going back to work did'nt come through.

5. Finally finding a live-in maid who looks like she means business and most importantly is here to stay. (In India, that's passport to freedom)

6. Finally agreed on refurbishing plans and got most of it done by year end. (I am one of those women who takes joy and pride in her home )

7. For the first time in my life possessed a small car and discovered the joys of doing so.

8. For the first time, learnt to laugh at myself and felt good doing it!

9. Had a blast with my sister for about a week who counselled me on taking myself a little more seriously than I did.

10. Exercised without a major break for almost 9 months (If only I could diet that long too, would have dropped 3 sizes instead of just one!)

11. Learned the joys of internet shopping.

12.Learnt the importance of insurance policies and actually managed to have claims paid substantially.

13. Organising paperwork and taking a closer look at finances.

14. Learnt to manage money better.

15. Finally got parents-in-laws to agree to move closer to us.

here's looking forward to another eventful year.....

The Back-Up plan

In case, I am proven to be the world's biggest idiot.. and not the die hard optimist I always prided myself to be; I need to think of a back-up plan. and fast....